Jagathon – 141

Written by: Dana Coen; Watch Now: – Sorry, not available on Amazon

[Superbly written, complicated expose’ of the JAG “relationships” using flashbacks between the actual race, and the days leading up to it, throughout the whole episode]

Turner (T) wouldn’t enter the Jag-a-thon which Harriet (Ht) produced, because he was a champion runner and felt the “highest rank” reward should go to “someone here longer.” He finally asked Chegwidden’s (C) counsel saying that he didn’t think that he was “fitting in” at JAG. Chegwidden told him that it was because he “didn’t know what everyone else already knew; namely, that he was already part of the family.” Singer (S) took bets on the race which upset Ht. She told S to “stop kicking everyone on your way to top, and we all would have fewer bruises and you would be less alone.” Finally, running all alone in the race, S cried.

The SECNAV pressured C into giving a JAG tour to another of his female relatives. It was set for Tuesday but the relative fouled up and came when the office was closed for the Jag-a-thon. With Harriet’s incompetence in holding Cs phone, the SECNAV was able to get through and pull C out of the middle of the race only to find that the lady had already left. Mac (M) prosecuted PO Ramsey Dill when he was caught impersonating an officer while rendering first aid to a motorcycle accident. Dill had been turned down for OCS after his CO referred him to a psychiatrist for “fabricating lies” about his prior accomplishments – but they were actually true. The incompetent psychiatrist labeled him with an “identity dysfunction” as it fit in with a research paper he was writing for a medical journal – of course, pointed out by Harm (H) in his defense. Harm gave an eloquent closing and Dill was found guilty but sentenced to “no punishment.”

Gunny (G) and Tiner (Ti) bet on each other to NOT finish the race then ran side-by-side each other nearly the whole race. Tiner was distracted by a girl and “headered” with an oncoming jogger and bruising his rib. Gunny looked back at Ti taking his header and tripped in a hole himself, landing on his face and pulling a muscle. Neither of them finished. Bud (B), who had been shamed and pressured by Ht to enter, was actually catching up to S until she spitefully told him that “everyone was betting he wouldn’t finish” which demoralized him.

Turner was feeling sucked into the feud (or rivalry) between H and M then finally asked H point blank if he was involved with M. Outside of an elevator, H flippantly said “anyone who has been involved with M is either dead or feels like they are” just as the door opened and it was overheard by M. Chegwidden noticed M’s sullenness and finally spoke with H who admitted that he had been “pushing her buttons” all day, not taking her running ability very “seriously.” Chegwidden asked “do you think you can stop that?” and H said he “was trying.” Harm had told M that “even if she had a 6 min head start she couldn’t win” and before he could say another word she said “I’ll take it” and walked away. Chegwidden told H that he didn’t know why H didn’t take her running seriously because M and he had been “training ever since she had gotten back from the carrier.”

Harm apologized to M who perfunctorily accepted. Harm told her that he just “didn’t want to compete with you anymore.” Turner let slip to M that H had split with Renee which surprised her. They finally started the race and despite everyone’s head start, H nearly caught up with M. He sent word ahead to M with Ht, riding around in a golf cart, that he was going to beat her. But meddling Harriet had him stopped “to be checked by a corpsman” cause “people were worried about him.” The corpsman turned out to be PO Dill impersonating again! So H had him arrested. Harm and M finish in a tie and began talking: “where does this leave us?” H said: “at the end I guess.” But M said: “how about at the beginning.” Turner had won the race by 4 minutes and exercising his 24-hr “highest rank” prize, he ordered them to go back with him and run along side the demoralized B so that he could at least finish the race.

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