Written by: Dana Coen; Watch Now: – Sorry, not available on Amazon
[This is such an incredibly absurd episode, and the expectation that the JAG audience is gullible enough to believe it is so condescending, that it reduces it to the level of an adolescent ‘soapbox opera’ or ‘sitcom.’ It is hard for me to believe that it even deserves retelling! I wouldn’t, except that the premise, that two ‘poppy seed’ bagels can ever be ‘mistakenly’ the source of a false positive drug screen, cannot be left unchallenged. Ms. Cohen not only wrote an exceedingly poor episode; but, compounded it by perpetuating a drug user myth, and completely fabricating her own medical reality. The premises are childish, the dialog fabricated and the actions are out-of-character.]
Mac (M) prosecuted PFC Michelle Boyer for ‘Heroin use’ and won a conviction yielding a one-year confinement. The ‘brig-chaser’ let Boyer get in M’s face and ask if she’d ever “regretted sending someone away?” Then, when M answered ‘no,’ Boyer cold-cocked M to the ground. Turner asked for another three years, and the judge gave her four! Then, when M found that the same incompetent ‘brig-chaser’ was being assigned to move Boyer across country, she asked the convening authority, Col Okerman, to assign someone else. You guessed it, Okerman was the overused, arrogant, condescending, resenting women in the military, type and refused Ms request. Then, when Chegwidden (C) tried to intervene, Okerman demanded that M be assigned to do it, [!] and unbelievably C agreed [!!]
They couldn’t find military transport [!!!] went commercial [!!!!] with a layover in Cincinnati – Boyer’s ‘hometown.’ [!!!!!] Boyer ‘disappeared’ in 15 seconds from a restroom stall with M standing in front of it [!!!!!!], then was recaptured when she went for a smoke [!!!!!!]. No more flights to San Diego until the next day and a weenie security boss forced M off the airport. [!!?] Of course, sharing the same room made them best of buddies [!!!!????], so M took her the next day to see her daughter in her boyfriends custody [!!!!????] where she, again unattended, stole pills from a bathroom and tried suicide. Again, missing the apparently ‘only’ flight from Cincinnati to San Diego [!!!!]and giving M the opportunity to feel sorry for her and take her to a beautician, and shopping and out to eat [!!!!????] Of course she would pig out on muffins and begin to retch and be taken to an ER where an eager ‘intern’ would recognize ‘poppy seed’ induced ‘false positive’ drug test and offer that ‘some people’s system’s are more sensitive’ and he would run ‘allergy tests’ to prove it [!!!!] Chegwidden goes to bat for M against little Lord Fauntleroy Okerman to obtain a new trial and M testifies that even she wouldn’t have had better control if she’d been falsely convicted [!!!!????] [This is the kind of crappy writing that lost the show ratings and got it cancelled!]
JAG officers Harm (H) and Bud (H) were assigned the case of Senior Chief Paul De Fina who’s CO, Stotler, stupidly revealed De Fina’s HIV status to PO McMichael, who had gotten a ‘couple of drops’ of blood on his sleeve from De Fina’s cut hand without either proper rationale or precautions for confidentiality. Of course, McMichael gossiped it all over the unit. Again, the arrogant, know-it-all Stotler not only compounded the harm by relieving De Fina of duty, but basically told H “oh well” when the harm his actions had caused was pointed out. De Fina wanted to proceed with charges for reversal of the decision but his wife, who was also HIV positive, refused to talk to H and B. De Fina had been shot in a rebel uprising in Africa and received ‘tainted’ blood according to the hospital. Bud, in his meticulous follow-up, found the treating doctor who said that he remembered the case and didn’t give any blood transfusion. Harm and B manipulated a confession from De Fina’s wife who had found she was HIV positive while her husband was away then let him think that he had infected her. De Fina filed for divorce and got a position as HIV case manager at Bethesda. Stotler wanted H to get De Fina back because he was now short of trainers; but, De Fina refused.
Meredith came to visit C. Coates didn’t keep her out saying “I’ll pay for this, but it’s in his best interest.” Meredith said she didn’t come to patch things up or ask forgiveness, just “couldn’t let us part without words.” Chegwidden said: “goodbye.” When she said “I deserved that,” he told her that “falling on your sword” was embarrassing and he wasn’t “playing out a scene from a bad movie with you.” She told him that “Allesandro is married, so I am not worthy of being with any man, especially you.” And “I’ve done this four times. Two acts of unfaithfulness and two I just disappeared.” She said it was a pathology, self-destructive behavior. He told her to “go to a Therapist and stop working it out on the unsuspecting.” She tried to start requesting something; but, he shut her off with “not this time” and “somewhere down the line with someone else.” She left.