Contemptuous Words – 94

Written by: Ed Zuckerman; Watch Now: – Sorry, not available on Amazon

[A weakly written episode with blatant computer/internet related errors]

A letter was printed in the newspaper critical of President Clinton and claiming to be from a Naval Officer. It said Clinton had “imposed his own bravery-deprived character on the Air Force” citing the air war over Kosovo. It called him “sleazily disgraceful.” While getting a golf lesson from Congresswoman Leatham, Harm (H) was told that he had been selected for promotion to commander. Chegwidden (C) then added him to the “posse” trying to catch the officer who was contemptuous of the president.

They talked to the sleazy reporter who had printed the letter and discovered that she needed a civics lesson from Mac (M) that the reason the military wasn’t allowed to speak against the president was to keep the military out of politics – i.e. preventing coups. She let slip that she had only communicated with her “source” through Email! Harm had Bud (B) trace her Emails which tracked back to Harm’s own computer. The Office of Inspector General sent John Nichols, an (all to frequently used) bumbling, arrogant, blindered, investigator with an axe to grind, who spent the whole episode antagonizing, belittling and otherwise railroading Harm. Leatham introduced H to Daniel Citron of the Roanoke Liberty Foundation (an anti-Clinton organization) who offered legal help. His assistant Suzanne Moore showed H her newsletter which read, partially, “the whackily trendy guidelines” of the educational system. Harm refused their help saying that he wasn’t “ready to BE one of their causes.”

Mac asked him “you didn’t do it, did you?” then afterwards told him she was a prosecution witness because she had heard his joke at Mattoni’s party about Clinton’s “Whitehouse intern,” and “close but no cigar.” Because of Brumby’s (Brum) smug looks, H suggested that he might have been the one who cracked Hs old computer. Brumby just smiled, saying if he “didn’t find it amusing he might take a poke at him.”

While they were watching, someone hacked into Bud’s computer with “Give your friend H my condolences, tough break. Did I put my foot in his mouth?” Incredibly, the OIG wouldn’t investigate. Harm finally took Citron up on their offer to help, demanding that there would be no press releases or public announcements. Moore found that the message came from Leavenworth and H went to see Palmer, finding him sitting smugly at a computer. He actually admitted that he wrote to “Cheer H up” while the warden insisted that his computer had “no link to outside terminals.” [?!!] Harm did find a copy of the original article on Palmer’s computer but that it had a hidden “digital watermark” from the newspaper showing that it had been downloaded, not uploaded. The case actually went to court-martial and finally H had to accept Citron’s attorney – Mr. Pappas.

Moore tried to convince H that even if he was convicted it “wouldn’t be completely terrible.” [H acted excruciatingly passive and unanimated through the whole episode]. Gunny (G) told H that he supported him “if he did it, but you didn’t.” Moore sent letter of apology to Harm for “sensitivity-deprived” attempts to cheer him up and arranged a meeting with reporters. Before the press conference H confronted Moore with her use of adverbs to modify adjectives in word construction and she admitted that she had used her laptop to send them. He had to teach her that she used “telecommunication fraud, impersonating a military officer, and conspiring to interfere with administration of justice.” He told her “it doesn’t matter if I don’t like him, he’s my Commander in Chief.” Harm was then shown being “sworn in” as commander.

Mac was pulled into the issue of Laurie Weston, fiancĂ© of deceased marine sergeant Kent Davey, who wanted to harvest his sperm posthumously in order to fulfill the sailors own stated dreams of fathering a child, like he espoused in letters. After harvesting, Davey’s few-days-short-of-divorce wife showed up angry demanding that they be destroyed. While M was “hiding” the sperm container in the JAG fridge, Brumby quipped “some sort of do-it-yourself kit, right?” Mac stared him down with H rapidly exiting stating “they want to be alone.” Davey’s wife got more angry after reading the letters and filed suit. Mac put the sperm in Harriet’s freezer until they were “taken into custody” awaiting trial. Weston found she was pregnant so might not need the sperm after all.

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